Monday Mayhem – If you need me, I’ll be in my blanket fort

I won’t lie, it’s been a rough year (or two…okay, three) for me. I’ve been struggling with my writing for a while, and this year, I finally hit the wall.

I’ve spent some time sulking and whining, and even more pretending everything is okay, this was just a phase, and I would get through it if I could just focus, manage my time better, buy 3-5 different planners, convert my bulletin board to a kanban, etc.

But mostly, I’ve spent 2019 wondering if I am done.

a woman in bed with her head laying on the computer holding her coffee mug.

I realize now (thanks to this series of videos by Becca Syme), that I’ve been sliding into burnout since about 2016.

Looking back, it’s really no surprise. While 2016 was the annus horribilis personally (and not because of anything political – though that didn’t help), it was an exciting year for me as a writer. I signed contracts, made plans for mass market and audiobook releases, and generally threw myself and my balled up emotion into all the things that go along with writerdom.

I worked steadily through 2017, my eyes on the prize that 2018 was sure to be. 2018 started out fabulous, back to back releases, and a starred review from Publishers Weekly. And then the hits started coming.

Rejection. Disillusionment.

You’d think I’d be used to the subjective nature of the business by now, but you never really get past the gut-punch. Somehow, I muddled through another two lackluster releases, plastered an ‘all is well’ smile on my face and played the conference circuit, then struck back with an ‘I’ll show you’ indie release that netted me more profit in one month than the 4 others have combined since publication.

But it wasn’t about the money.

I was reeling. Am reeling. After 9 years and 39 books, I am out of contract. An orphan. I am a woman with lots of planners, but no plan.

Time to Set Goals Target Aspirations Intention Objective Concept

I’ve spent much of this year dealing with the fallout from what I see now were unrealistic expectations. I’d been listening too much to the noise around me. I’d been immersing myself in the quicksand of social media and other forms of busy work and distraction to self-soothe.

But it isn’t working.

I haven’t been working. I’ve been sulking. And hurting. And wondering if there’s anything left in me.

I’ve had a first draft on my computer that has been thiiiiis close to being complete since November, but I just can’t stir myself to finish it.

But I don’t want to quit. I know that much.

If I did, I would have a while ago, and wouldn’t have spent so much of this year fretting over it. So what to do now? I’ve licked my wounds for long enough. It’s time to figure out how to move on.

My biggest leap will be stepping off the forced productivity treadmill. I will no longer conform to what “everyone says’ is the ‘right’ way to do this author thing.

I will refill my creative well.

I plan to read, listen to music, watch television and movies… In other words, do all the things I eschewed over the last few years in the name of productivity. These are the things that feed me. They spark ideas and give me the impetus to ask, “What if this happened?”

Those who have been around since my Gilmore Girls days know my biggest works of fanfic started with Lorelai asking Luke if he was ‘good at dating’, and I wondered, “What if Luke took that opportunity to tell Lorelai he didn’t want to wait around for her to finally see him and pick him?”

Are you good at dating?

I want to get back to that feeling…the need to explore possibilities within my books. The possibilities inside of me.

So yeah, that’s probably more than you ever wanted to know about what goes on inside my brain. But there you have it.

If you need me, I’ll be in my blanket fort.

Portrait of cute girl sitting under blanket and reading a book

Vacation – all I ever wanted

I’m just back from vacation and it was a blast! I long weekend with my girls was just what I needed to relax and unwind a bit.

There was karaoke and cheesecake, pool time and TimTams, shopping and bundt cake. Sensing a theme here? Mmmmm dessert.

We are ten years in. There are old jokes and new bits. All the joy needed to refill the well.

And moments… those moments.

How about you? Do you ever get away with your peoples? If not, what’s holding you back?

Monday Mayhem – Save Ferris!

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Yes, I am taking the sage advice of Mr. Ferris Bueller this week and taking of for a fun-filled weekend with my girlfriends. It’s been far too long since I’ve been able to spend time with them.

Life has been moving pretty fast.

The last time I was with them was 2015, and this happened:

Can you blame me for hoping something equally awesome happens this time?

So far we have karaoke, pedis, pool time, and possibly a day trip planned.

I. Cannot. Wait.

If you don’t hear from us in the next couple weeks, collect some bail money, will ya?

Monday Mayhem – Vacation…all I ever wanted

We got away this weekend! My company took a long holiday weekend, so Fodder and I ran away to the river. We found an adorable AirBNB on the edge of the Buffalo National Forest just big enough for Fodder, me, and our master, Sally.

Relaxing front porch

We’d never taken Sally with us on a trip, so it was an experience for all of us. But look at this happy face:

We had a lovey, relaxing weekend. Our little cabin in the woods was perfection. Sally swam with us, we ate BBQ, built a little fire in the fire pit, and generally kicked back. We even had a bit time to just Netflix and chill.

All in all, it was just what we needed. July is quickly booking up with activities and events, so the timing was excellent. More happy faces:

top pics taken at scenic overlook, Marshall, AR. Our favorite selfie spot.
bottom from left: Fodder and Sally testing the waters at Wollum access, and a selfie snapped in a spooky spot in the woods…wooooooo!

How about you? Do you have any travel plans this summer?

Monday Mayhem – On Marriage

Later this week, the mister and I will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. Our marriage has finally reached the age of majority.

As I am now the proud owner of a mature (giggle-snort) marriage, I thought I’d share a few random lessons I’ve learned along the way.

  1. Liking is every bit as important as loving.
  2. He may only hear about 23% of the things I say, but he always hears me bitching about not listening to me.
  3. He does not want or need my direction whilst driving, but will miss the appropriate exit 8 times out of 10 if I am derelict in my duty.
  4. A ten minute lie-down is the key to a happy, relaxed evening.
  5. No one wants responsibility for deciding what’s for dinner. Ever.

So, yeah, finally starting to feel like we’ve got a handle on this marriage thing, even if our selfie game is still a bit weak. Looking forward to seeing what trouble we can find together in the years to come.

How about you? What are some of the life lessons you’ve picked up in the last couple decades?

Monday Mayhem – I Kanban Do It!

A couple weeks ago, I re-purposed my bulletin board into a Kanban organizer. What was once nothing more than a collection of random reminders and goofy pictures is now a model of goal-setting organization…and goofy pictures.

Actual goals and notes redacted for privacy purposes.

What is Kanban?

It’s a method of visual project management. It allows the user to track goals, progress, and monitor success rates all at a glance. They can be set up in any number of ways, but I chose to set weekly, 30 day, 90 day, and yearly goals. By using post it notes, I’m not only committing the goal to writing, I can move them to show progress.

For me, the ‘Do It Now’ section will likely contain those items I’m procrastinating on, or am awaiting input from other parties.

The overarching goal is to get all those little slips of paper (plus any others that come along) to the bottom of the board.

This, of course, is just my latest attempt to put my thoughts in order and achieve something, anything, before the year flies by. We won’t talk about the three paper planners abandoned on my file cabinet…

How about you? Do you have a tried and true planning method? Can I borrow it if it turns out I kant-ban after all?

Monday Mayhem – Give it away, give it away, give it away now!

Are you on my mailing list? If so, you know I’ve done nothing but give it away this past week. I celebrated Julie Evelyn Joyce’s book, STEEPED IN LOVE, being named to the short list of finalists for the Kobo Emerging Authors prize by giving away a few copies of Steeped. Then, I celebrated those fabulous readers who actually open, read, and interact with my newsletter with a special Amazon gift card giveaway just for them!

This could be you!

Not on my mailing list? Look on the top of the sidebar of this page. There’s a little spot that says, “Join my readers group!” Enter your email there, and I’ll get you added too!

In other news…

I’m still hitting the gym. I don’t like it, but I’m doing it. Anythng to avoid writing, you know…

Okay, I’m not really avoiding it. I’m….circling it. I’m in the homestretch of drafting LOVE RENOVATION, and this is a tricky time. I know where it needs to go. I know what I need to change in the front 2/3 of the book. I know all of the work that needs to be done before I can call it done, and that is just…paralyzing.

So I am chipping away at it little by little. Because a little is more than zero, right?

*nods*

My herb garden is struggling. We’ve had a cool, wet spring so far. Very unusual for us. We usually skip spring and plunge into the summer sauna, so I don’t want to complain too much, but my pal, Basil, isn’t liking it. My Roma tomatoes are scrawny and shivering. Oh, and some insect is eating my pepper plants. *scowls* I hope they get heartburn.

On the other hand, the flowers are loving it. The irises were spectacular, as was the clematis. And just look at the Mr. Lincoln and Knockout roses!

Mr. Lincoln rose
Knockout rose

Tell me, what’s blooming in your neck of the woods these days?

Monday Mayhem – Tempus Fugit

The view from my atio chair

I know, I know. I should watch my phraseology, but it’s true – time does fly. I know most people apply it to the short days and long nights of winter, but for me, Spring always seems to zip past me.

Look – Wednesday is May 1st. Gah!

And this year, rather than careening straight in to the oven-like heat of summer, we are actually having a spring. Fifty shade of gorgeous green. The flowers and shrubs are thriving. Highs have been in the 70s and low 80s.

All of which means a young woman’s fancy has turned to anything BUT writing.

I mean, I’ve had to sit on the patio and read books…

The view from my patio chair
The view from my patio chair

There’s been a tiny dino to take on adventures:

Rover the Garden T-Rex is back!

And a kitchen garden to construct so we could plant tomatoes, peppers, and herbs:

Kitchen garden adjacent to patio beds

Then there were the sexy Saturday nights spent assembling a new basketball goal so Fodder and I can shoot the hoops:

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t writing stuff happening too. I’m back to working on LOVE RENOVATION, TO MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE is still out on submission, and some old friends are coming back this week! I have repackage Spring Chickens – which means it has a new title and cover art. Lynne and Bram’s story will be available again as HOME IN HEARTSFIELD.

Exclusively for Amazon Kindle

So there you have it. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. Don’t forget to add your email address in the sidebar to receive my reader group emails. Jennifer C. won a $5 Amazon gift card in last week’s drawing!

Monday Mayhem – A Little Help from My Friends

I have to admit I have been struggling with the writing thing…and by struggling, I mean I haven’t been writing. The publishing world has been a little disheartening.

I have a book on submission, which basically means I am waiting for someone to say yes or no. That’s one of the things people don’t know. The potential for rejection in his business never ends. The next contract is never a given, even when your books win critical acclaim, or have decent sales. Publishing is a business with a bottom line. If we don’t set the world on fire straight out of the gate, it’s back to the drawing board.

So yeah. I have one that’s out there waiting for a bite, another that’s 2/3 written, and an idea that scares me just enough to make me think it’s a good one, and yet… I can’t seem to get in the groove.

For the past few months, I’ve just been going with the flow, trying not to stress, etc., but at some point, I’m going to have to write or get off the Mac.

So, I did what any writer does when faced with the abyss – I hooked up with my writer friends. Yes, we did a little whining and scary soul bearing, but the magical thing about these days is the fact that we realize we are not alone. And as much as I hate the fact that my friends are struggling too, there’s also some strength in it.

By talking through our fears, or what’s holding us up, we help one another find a way through to the other side. When we take time to talk about all that’s making us feel overwhelmed, we find that our friends have a totally different perspective. Sometimes, we just need feedback from someone who is in the trenches with us to see through the smoke.

And sometimes, we need people to remind us that we have magic, bullet-repelling bracelets.