Monday Mayhem – Figuring it all out


I’m almost 50, and I’m still figuring it all out. Where did we ever get the idea that people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond should have their lives completely under control?

woman trying to keep track of it all

Did you read the the headline? We don’t.

Who started this rumor? Whoever it was, has obviously never spent any time wrestling mid-life into submission, that’s for sure.

The only thing I’ve figured out about life, is that I will never have it all figured out. And, I’m not sure I want to. How boring would that be?

Here’s my take on it:

Life loves to throw curveballs, and no one is prepared for them – no matter how many candles they blew out on their last birthday cake.

I write a lot of romance featuring characters 40+, which is a little out of the main for commercial romance. Inevitably, someone (usually and acquiring editor, an online reviewer, or maybe a reader who is email inclined) will ask whether the heroine/heroine should have had a better grip on what they wanted, needed, or even their physical desires.

My answer is no. The fictional characters I create are supposed to be human, just like you and me.

We are supposed to be continually figuring it all out.

Our relationships blossom, fail, or float along until the next storm brews.

I’ve been over a decade into a job, only to discover the career ladder I thought I was climbing was actually a rope ladder, and someone was taking a blowtorch to the rungs below.

Our bodies will betray us. That’s an inevitability.

At times, our minds play nasty tricks on us.

People we love will disappoint us.

We will disappoint ourselves.

Love is a shape-shifter. Our ability to love and allow ourselves to be loved is constantly evolving.

Mistakes will be made.

Failure is not fatal.

This is all I have figured out so far. How about you? Any wisdom to add?






4 Replies to “Monday Mayhem – Figuring it all out”

  1. Everything you just wrote is bang on!
    A couple of other things that I have figured out.
    1. A good supportive group of girlfriends will be your best cheerleaders.
    2. Your mom – There are years where you roll your eyes at the things your mom does or says and you are frustrated by it. As you get older, you realize how much those intrinsically matter to you. The overbearing heaviness knowing your mom won’t be around forever weighs incredibly heavy on you.
    3. Your kids – You need to let them spread their wings and let them make some big decisions. Very hard for a hands on parent.
    4. Travel – only then will you truly understand the blessings you have and where you live.
    5. Hair dye is your best friend.

  2. I figured don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s going to happen whether you want it to or not.
    Don’t be afraid to jump. That was a biggie for me. But once I did, (okay there may have been a bit of a push involved), I was glad I did it.
    I agree with Michelle’s #3. I really am trying on that one. I do shake my head A Lot, but then I say to myself that it is their lives and they have to live it their way.
    I’m the opposite, I say, screw the hair dye. Take me as I am.

  3. Forgive yourself. Forgive others (even if they will never know). Love without expectation (but do not let yourself be abused physically, mentally, or emotionally). Be the person that you want your obituary to be. We are ALL learning as we go along.

  4. Never be afraid to be yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Try new things…and never, ever think it’s too late to learn a new skill. Life should is all about learning and growing. 🙂

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